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THE UNSC CORRESPONDENTS MEETING ATTACK REPORT
To the owner of a green warthog, you left your lights on. And left your weapons loaded. There's also your pet dog that won't stop eyeing me. Oh my god is that a lightsaber!?!?!?!
Oh thank god. Its just an energy blade. Wait where'd he go?
Have you sinned recently and didnt remember to confess? Have you stolen or cheated and havent repented? Are you Donald Trump?
Well don't worry. Your covered with Faith, the best plan for an eternal lifestyle.
Faith is all about believing in something more than just your busted car, injuries, or home. It's about a state of mind. Faith is your guarantee into your heaven. With our early age baptismal plan, we put safety in your loved ones before they can say Amen. And with our Senior Level membership program, you can stay blessed for as long as you can pray, God as my witness.
Call now and you can receive... a bible.
Be one of our first ten commandment callers and you'll receive an ipod equipped with all the gospels regarding genital mutilation.
But thats not all. With our limited time offer, you'll get an extra bible and a cross absolutely free! Pray for shipping and handling.
Faith... you'll die, but keep on living. I swear to God.
The pussy, the brainless, the heartless, and a girl from Kansas.
Be honest with yourself. You are not really gonna kill an infant, child, teen, or man just because he is destined to kill thousands, start a war, and hate everyone. Heres an idea. Give him a hobby. He's good with art, right? Make him an animator. Disney would have needed him.
Jesus is gonna be pissed when he finds out what we did to his favorite planet.
Whats red white and blue and symbolizes democracy?
A good ole pepsi.