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TimCaloweh's News

What the hell is that?

2016-05-15 22:34:58 by TimCaloweh

THE UNSC CORRESPONDENTS MEETING ATTACK REPORT

 

To the owner of a green warthog, you left your lights on. And left your weapons loaded. There's also your pet dog that won't stop eyeing me. Oh my god is that a lightsaber!?!?!?! 

 

Oh thank god. Its just an energy blade. Wait where'd he go?


Religion

2016-05-15 00:22:09 by TimCaloweh

Have you sinned recently and didnt remember to confess? Have you stolen or cheated and havent repented? Are you Donald Trump? 

 

Well don't worry. Your covered with Faith, the best plan for an eternal lifestyle. 

 

Faith is all about believing in something more than just your busted car, injuries, or home. It's about a state of mind. Faith is your guarantee into your heaven. With our early age baptismal plan, we put safety in your loved ones before they can say Amen. And with our Senior Level membership program, you can stay blessed for as long as you can pray, God as my witness.

 

Call now and you can receive... a bible.

 

Be one of our first ten commandment callers and you'll receive an ipod equipped with all the gospels regarding genital mutilation. 

 

But thats not all. With our limited time offer, you'll get an extra bible and a cross absolutely free! Pray for shipping and handling.

 

Faith... you'll die, but keep on living. I swear to God.


Oz

2016-05-13 03:53:01 by TimCaloweh

The pussy, the brainless, the heartless, and a girl from Kansas.


color blind

2016-05-12 19:39:25 by TimCaloweh

Choose your favorite power ranger.


The Fuhrer

2016-05-12 01:40:43 by TimCaloweh

Be honest with yourself. You are not really gonna kill an infant, child, teen, or man just because he is destined to kill thousands, start a war, and hate everyone. Heres an idea. Give him a hobby. He's good with art, right? Make him an animator. Disney would have needed him.


hey

2016-05-11 14:48:58 by TimCaloweh

I cant help but remember we forgot something.


well

2016-05-10 13:18:25 by TimCaloweh

Jesus is gonna be pissed when he finds out what we did to his favorite planet.


Yay

2016-05-10 00:22:10 by TimCaloweh

Whats red white and blue and symbolizes democracy?

 

A good ole pepsi.